Over-Priviledged????

So it's Christmas time again and a group of my friends began discussing their kids' wishlists. I was amazed! Kids want Xboxes, Ipods, digital cameras, cellphones, and designer clothes. What have we done? Have we created greedy little monsters who expect to get these high end items just because???

It all begins with this saying: I want my kids to have a better life than I did. Granted, most of us did not live hard lives and were pretty well off compared to our parents and grandparents. However, we oblige ourselves to give our kids the best of everything. The best toys, the best clothes, the best games, the best schools. And what do we oblige our kids to give us in return?

It sounds selfish, but we must look at the fact that one day we are going to be older. Most likely we will not be able to take care of ourselves. Our spouses may die before us, our vice versa. Most of all, we will not have the same income as we did in our younger days. Sadly, we become children again, and most likely, if we have done our jobs as parents right, our children will become our parents, as they will have to make decisions for us.

Now, we have to gear our kids up for that sort of responsibility. No we cannot raise them with the mantra that one day they will take care of us, but we ought to give them a greater sense of the world: that it does not revolve around them. As parents, it is our duty to raise our kids to become productive members of society. When we shower them with gifts "just because" it gives them a false sense of entitlement. What happens when they grow up? Do they get money "just because"? Get a house "just because"?

We need to teach our kids to be givers. Showing kindness to others has its rewards. Also it is useful to have them learn the value of working and saving to get what they want. I mentioned to my friends today that I had to wait three years after moving into my home to get my dream kitchen, yet my girls only had to be born to get theirs. LOL! So the dilemma continues.

Multi-Mom

Hats off to all the moms who work fulltime, have recreational activities outside the home, and spend mucho quality time with the kids. As a stay at home mom I wear many hats. Chef, laundress, maid, chauffeur, accountant, secretary, nurse, among many other roles. I am about to add another hat. I am planning to further my education, something I have wanted to do but in between getting married, having kids, buying a home I have been busy since I became a college graduate. I am worried that I may not be able to successfully balance all these roles once I begin this very intensive study program but I know that once I surround myself with people who want to see me succeed I will get all the help I need.

Custody agreement...~with the relatives~

Well it's busy season in the family. The time of year when we see each other more than any other time during the year. After much back and forth we have finally solidified the arrangements.

Halloween will be spent at home with me and my family visiting from NY. We will trick and treat together and then join my outlaws at a house party.

Thanksgiving will be split between cousins in New York.

Christmas will be spent at home for breakfast and then dinner will be between my cousin's house and the outlaws.

The day after Christmas, the girls are flying down with their dad, his sister, niece, and mother. I have opted to remain at home because I need to study.

New Year's Eve will be spent at my sister in law's house.

It took alot of deliberation as we have so many relatives and so as not to offend anyone we have to split our time evenly, a task I find to be tedious.

Battling colds, tantrums, and depression

So far my girls have had three colds for the season. I have been getting used to the routine. First sniffle brings out the humidifier. Big runny noses bring out the automatic suction...a must have for any parent with a kid who cannot blow their own noses. And aside from appropriate doses of noodle soup and medicine, lot's of TLC in between. Fortunately the girls have wonderful immune systems and after a couple days are good to go. The baby is especially resistant. I feel this is because she was breast fed. Never mind the fact that I do not need to vacuum because she is always picking up the tiniest atom and putting it in her mouth. A battle a choose to wage war against at whim as it is never ending.

Sarah on the other hand is becoming more and more willful. She has the nastiest tantrums whenever she does not get her way. I have to find creative ways of redirecting her and distracting her. Also the visits to the naughty wall are met with much resistance. The key for me is to keep her busy so that she does not find time to commit punishable offenses. She goes to playgroup as often as I can take her, visits with her cousins at least once a week, and I purchased a plethora of preschool activities to keep her busy for hours. She especially enjoys coloring and painting. I especially abhor the mess!

During all this I have found it necessary for me to go back on antidepressants. This is the part of being a stay at home mom that not many people tell you about. I am so busy from 7am to 9pm caring for these kids that I have no time for myself. Most days I feel drained and run down. Their dad works away from home and is hardly here to share his burden of the work. When he is here I do get some relief but the fine tuned parenting is always left up to me. Dauntingly simple tasks such as picking outfits that MATCH...or combing their hair or clipping nails is always left up to me. Not to mention the never ending laundry being put away in the right places. Anyway I was getting to a point where I was shutting down and decided that I needed more help and also that I needed to be on the meds. I think I get depressed more during the fall and winter. I am an island gal and I need lots of sunlight. We usually take a trip down south during the winter so I am looking forward to that.

Until then I can only do what I am doing now and that is loving myself as much as I love my family.

Back to (Play) School

My daughters attend a playgroup at the elementary school in a neighboring town. It is only available during the school year. During the holidays us moms are left to fend for ourselves. I must say that it became quite a challenge with my 2 yo. She was very hard to entertain and as a result of boredom, often got into trouble.

Now that she is back on schedule, she is much easier to tolerate, easy to entertain, and noticeably happy. This morning she woke up asking if we were going to school but today is an off day.

Her younger sister has no problems with playgroup. Turns out she is just a go with the flow kind of gal. At school she gets right into playing and mingling. A very confident and independent young lady. So funny because as a young baby she would not let anyone other than myself keep her. Part of the reason why I decided to stay at home with them. Sarah on the other hand is a bit shy and reserved at first, but once acclimated she gets down to playing, mostly by herself. (Parallel play).

I can't wait for them to begin full day school. School is a haven for both parents and kids alike.

Exiting Summer. Entering Fall.

I hate changing seasons. Well, it is easier for me to transition from winter to spring. In fact, I enjoy i, knowing that we have months of warmth to look forward to makes me tolerate the chill in the air. Not so with Fall. I hate going from warm to cold. It is the first cold draft that is the worst. As you go on and the temperatures dip lower it becomes easier to bear as you have had some time to become accustomed to it. But this first sudden drop sneaks up on you so fast.

It was a mostly uneventful summer for us. That is good I guess. Too much excitement is not good for one's health. Says I. Anyhow, after today it will be unofficially Fall. The kids go back to school. Parents get a break from those "I am so bored" complaints. And the flu season begins.

I get sick twice a year. Once in the fall and another time in the spring. As a mom I struggle with keeping my girls safe from injuries and illness. I can only do so much before one of them will eat something off the floor.

Currently we all have our first taste of a seasonal cold. Not as devastating as the ones in the spring but annoying enough. It is bad enough that we can no longer give children under 6 cold medicine. (I still give it to my 2 yo. Shhh! Don't tell anyone!) :-) I give Tylenol to both as needed. But I am trying to go back to the natural remedies that our mothers, grandmothers, and their grandmothers used to give kids.

So far I am experimenting with the garlic and honey tea. My older child refuses to drink it but the younger one will drink it with no hesitation. We will see how if it helps or not soon enough. I give them a warm bath in eucalyptus oil and it seems to help relax them. I notice the night cough is gone when I do that. I also rub them down with it and that helps as well.

The important thing is to keep them warm and cozy and try to make them as comfortable as possible. That brings up another point that I hate about transitioning into fall. Any season as a matter of fact. I have to have two different seasonal clothing in the closets as the days may start off cool, then get warm, then get cold at night. It is really annoying when you have limited closet space and have to be combing through the clothes to get rid of the sleeveless shirts and shorts, but keep the short sleeve shirts and throw in a few long sleeves, pants, and jackets.

Now that our outdoor time will be severely limited I am already plannign ahead to see what activities i can get them involved in during the approaching winter. I know what it is like when the kids get cabin fever, but Mommy does not do cold weather. Which brings me to my last point.

I am one of the many people who require lots of sunshine and warm weather in order to function. It is a condition known as SAD...Seasonal Affective Disorder. Most commonly known as the winter blues. I have planned a trip to Jamaica for a couple weeks during the winter, but unfortunately that will not compensate for a half year of undesireable weather. It is hard to be cheery around the kids and I often lack the desire to do anything outside of my bed.

As with anything else, we just have to take things one step at a time. Expect the best, prepare for tthe worst, and be thankful for the in-between.

Party Pro

Or so I have been told. My in-laws tend to rely on me when it comes to party planning. I have been a mom for 2 years and 4 months now. In that time I have thrown : 2 christening parties, 5 birthday parties, and countless holiday dinners and cookouts in between. I love to entertain. Granted I always get stressed and have major meltdowns during the prep, but they always turn out good!

On a brighter note

My older child is now using the potty 100% throughout the day. She even takes her naps without pull ups! Time to work on the baby.

Older daughter also is taking to the pool very well and is learning how to swim. It is a work in progress but she is no longer terrified of going in the pool.

The First

My Abi as you can tell, turned one recently. I am happy. She is healthy and growing. Learning new things every day. I am truly blessed. But I have said this before and will say it again. I am sad. Maybe because I know she is my baby. I will not have anymore, although her father has been implying that he wants to have another in an attempt to have a son. [insert rolleye smilie here]

Despite all that, I can't imagine how my life would be without her. When I found out I was pregnant with her I was less than thrilled. Sarah was 7 months old when I conceived her. I was not ready for another. I was very disconnected from the pregnancy. I was sick for most of the time and busy between work and caring for Sarah so there was no desire or opportunity to bond with the unborn baby. It was a labor of love that I wanted to get over with.

But the moment she was born and came into the world my heart melted instantly. Funny I did not feel this emotion with my firstborn even though her birth was highly anticipated. The love I felt when I first saw Abi's face, when I first held her in my arms, when I first put her to my breast, that love is such a powerful indescribable feeling. A feeling I still feel to this day when I see her one year later, running around the house, finding new things out on her own, when she kisses me, or is calling me to come get her out of her crib, or when she smiles at me like she has not seen me in a very long time. This is the first time I think I can say I know what true love feels like.

Pee-Pee in the Potty Puddle

My 2 yo has opted to pee on my bathroom floor.

I thought for a brief sec that my toilet was backed up.

I am pissed...literally.

Bits and Pieces

Alot has been going on lately. Had a few deaths. One dramatic birth. And a whole lot of different emotions in between. But in all the confusion we must remain in a state of functionality for our children right?

• Sarah has been going to the potty on a regular basis. She had one accident free day but everyday I have at least 1 accident. But she is enjoying the reward system. I have a reward chart in her room and she puts Dora stickers on the squares each time she goes. So far she has earned a trip to the playground. This time around she is gonna go for ice cream when she gets all her stickers.

• Abi is walking! I am so sad. Happy, yes, but sad. My baby is getting big. She cut her first set of teeth too. All on the verge of her first birthday.

Which brings me to my next point:

• I am so stressed over what to do for her birthday. I feel that I have done it all for Sarah. And I am struggling to "top that". But I am so tired of the preparation that goes into it. And the clean up. I am tired of guests who show up just to eat and get a plate to take home with them, but never pitch in to help with anything, or even compensate with a decent gift. I wanted to do something simple and outsource the prep work but the father wants to keep it at home. I guess so his tribe can come over and get their grub on. Joy!

Also running through my mind:

• How do I keep my kids busy through the summer? Playgroup is done until the fall so my kids are home until it resumes. We have been on 2 vacations since March and I feel as if it is time to take another one so the girls, Sarah in particular, can get loose.

• I hate this weather. It has not been hot, but most days have not been suitable outdoor weather. I took the girls out to watch fireworks the other night and it was so chilly! We haven't even opened out pool! Not good swimming weather at all. We did get a little kiddie pool for the girls to splish splash in on those rare hot days.

• Lastly, I am conflicted as to whether or not I should post pics here. I have tons of pics to share of the girls but I do not like the photo option on these blogs as they often get in the way of the post. I wish there was some way I could have a thumbnail of pics in an album here on the blog. If any of you know if such an option is available please drop me a line.

The Jackson Lesson: One for the History Books

Yesterday was a hard day for me. I have never truly declared myself a Michael Jackson fan. Fan is short for fanatic. I do not consider myself a fanatic. But I can surely appreciate some good music and smooth dance moves. And that is what I take away from MJ. For as long as I can remember in my childhood, he has always been a highly respected musician. I remember the 45's in our record collection...Jackson 5 albums...the christmas album I always played during the season.

Off the wall, then Thriller. The MTV crossover. The fashion, the dance moves...moon walk, crotch grab, pelvic thrust, a zig zagging silhouette who could pull a mean spin.....

It is hard for me to sit here today and remember all this as I type with a heavy heart......

What is even harder for me is to acknowledge that although Michael died physically yesterday he has really been dead for a much longer time than that. He died when he turned into an adult. There was no way one could argue that he transitioned well. He even penned a song that he said was closest to how he felt in his heart.

Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...

People say I'm not okay
'Cause I love such elementary things...
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood
I've never known...

We can argue all day that it was Joe Jackson's fault for thrusting him in the limelight at such a tender age, or we could say that Michael was an adult and should have made decisions based on such, but what no one can deny is that he was truly a revolutionary icon. There is no one in his league. No one. That is why he will be imitated but never truly duplicated.

Now where my girls are concerned, I look at them in their blissful youthful ignorance. They will never truly grasp how big this man is, how brilliant he was. Yes they will appreciate his talent. Much as I have appreciated the talent of those artistes long before my time. But never will they feel the true appreciation that the King of Pop has generated from fanatic followers to passing listeners alike.

The roller coaster life he led also put alot of things in perspective. Fame and fortune cannot replace a happy childhood. You can buy the playground but it still does not compensate for the lack of small childhood joys that come from the most mundane of things. Parents, I charge you to hug your kids. Tell them you love them everyday. Do simple things with them. Run around with them. Color with them. Paint with them. Take them to get ice cream. Make a mess with them. Happy well adjusted kids make happy well adjusted adults. It is our duty as parents to make happy well adjusted little people for the betterment of our society at large.

R.I.P.

Michael Jackson

1958-2009

Little Ears

Little ears do not hear when Mommy says "Come here."

Little ears hear when Mommy says "Oh shoot!"

Little ears do not hear when Mommy says "Don't do that."

Little ears hear when Mommy says "Dang it!"

Little ears do not hear when Mommy says "Don't put that in your mouth."

Little ears hear when Mommy says "Doggone it!"

Little ears do not work when they need to hear.

Little ears only work when Mommy should be silent.

Jon & Kate: I can relate

So yes I have always been a shamefully admitted fan of Jon and Kate plus 8. I have always admired their ability to reign in 8 kids that small. I am here dying with 2. I admired Kate for her remarkable schedule making detail oriented nature. In the same breath I can tell you I am not thrilled with the way she has dealt with Jon over the years, speaking to him as is he were the 9th child.

Anyway, all that aside we witnessed the denigration of yet another family unit, and I highly doubt that the video light is solely to blame.

Jon has been obviously miserable throughout the years in his role as a dad of a multitude. Kate has not made that role any easier for him with her nitpicking everything he does wrong. So he has retreated into the boyish comforts of sports cars, diamond studs, bachelor pads, and much younger girlfriends.

Anyway, I digress. As a mother of 2 young ones I too have been guilty of nitpicking their father for simple things. On his days off when I would go to work I would come home to find the kids dirty, still in the same clothes I left them in, and having eaten sweets and things that they would never have had if I were there. I would yell at him but over time I have learnt to let go and let him parent. He is doing the best he knows how. Things that I would do one way he will do his way because to him it makes more sense. I subscribe to the theory that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

It is useless to continue arguing over viewpoints that both of us will never agree on. Otherwise I would find everything we disagree on and create fights, and most likely end up on divorce court. Now, so long as the kids are fed and their diapers changed that is all I am concerned with. And he does a really good job with that so I can't complain. Whenever he is home he does morning duty with the girls..diaper changes and bottles...I am really happy that I can sleep in.

Now if anyone has any tips on how to subtly get him to do the girls' laundry or to give the girls a bath...not just when the younger one takes a giant dump and messes up her clothes....then I am all ears.

So what can we learn from Jon and Kate about ourselves? Don't sweat the small stuff and learn to let things go....

Potty Regression

Found an excellent article on potty regression!

Regression by Potty Training Solutions

Teaching your child to use the toilet takes time, understanding, and patience. The important thing to remember is that you cannot rush your child into using the toilet. Each child is different. What works for one may not be successful for another. That is why you need an arsenal of tools and tricks to get your youngster interested and keep him or her with the program until you have achieved that goal of independence. Stress in the home may make learning this important new skill more difficult. Sometimes it is a good idea to delay toilet training in the following situations: Your family has just moved or will move in the near future. You are expecting a baby or you have recently had a new baby. There is a major illness, a recent death, or some other family crisis. However, if your child is learning how to use the toilet without problems, there is no need to stop because of these situations. AVOID NEGATIVE REACTIONS Handle accidents in a quiet, matter-of-fact way during cleanup. I am not a supporter of any form of punishment for toilet training issues. With strong willed children, if you want to have a behavior go away, don't reinforce it. Yelling or punishing is reinforcement. Even though it's negative, they get attention anyway. Sometimes that is what they are looking for. If this is true, parents need to try and figure out what it is that they are needing this attention for. If a child constantly is being told he is bad or "not good," he will many times live up to that. LEARN TO DISCIPLINE I do believe in discipline. Don’t confuse discipline with spanking. Discipline is when the parent does what they plan and to, they follow-through and remain consistent in encouraging desired behaviors. Parents and children do better when they have a routine, especially during setbacks. Get back into your training routine, stay positive, reintroduce motivations like rewards and keep lines of communication open. DISCUSS RESPONSIBILITY AND CONSEQUENCES Discontinuing Toileting is not easy for you, and you may want your child to know what his consequences are. Again, be clear and matter-of-fact; minimize words during cleanup. If you let this become emotionally charged that is where the focus will be, and that is ineffective and negative. Let’s say your child just didn’t make it to the toilet because Barney was on. Then shut off Barney until the child has assisted in clean-up (most children can at least dump poop in toilet, flush and wash out underwear). Then have him go to the toilet and at least try to go (even if they say they don’t have anything left). Make it clear after an accident this is their responsibility. You remain quiet and calm, minimizing talk to simple instructions. Before letting the child resume his activity, have a short, upbeat and supportive talk with him about what just happened and what the consequences will be if it happens again. “OK, just an accident. We had to shut off Barney and clean up. When you have an accident you must go to the toilet anyway. Next time you will use the toilet, won’t you?” After you get him to agree, don’t forget to say “I love you!” LEARN WHY HE HAS STOPPED TOILETING, IF POSSIBLE It is easier for a child to learn the mechanics of Toileting, but not so easy for him to accept some of the emotional issues that may come along later. And not all children are capable or willing to discuss it. If the child wishes to talk, be there for him. It may help you decide how to proceed if the accidents continue. If he adamantly does not want to talk, respect his feelings. Common toilet fears include fear of seeing his poop go down the toilet (and losing that part of him), fear of getting hands dirty when wiping, fear of seeing or hearing a toilet flush, fear of painful bowel movement. Other reasons may include lack of desire to stop playing to go, loss of the excitement of this new ‘game’, associating toileting with ‘growing up’ and deciding it is more comfortable to just stay little. There are some cases where children use toilet issues to express anger and aggression. For this, seek professional help. DECIDE HOW TO PROCEED After you have come to realize these accidents are not stopping, and after you have given the child a chance to work through it himself, you have been calm, supportive and allowed him to talk about the situation if he wishes, you should have enough information to decide what is best for your situation. Even when a child chooses not to talk, you can assess through his nonverbal cues how serious this toileting thing is to him. You have choices. You must decide how much you are willing to do to work this out with your child. Do not allow a significant other, mother-in-law or neighbor (however well-intentioned) to interfere with your parenting choices. Pick your battles, and realize this one in particular can be a tough one. If you decide to go for retraining you need to be prepared to follow through in a positive way. Read up, get support. If you decide this is not the best time to try to work through it, that is OK. You and your child should decide together how to handle accidents. Whatever you decide, this is just one of many parenting decisions we must make with no clear-cut answer. It will work out no matter how you proceed, as long as you have the child’s best interests in mind. DECIDING TO STAY THE COURSE Some children really want to continue toileting. Sometimes the parent is willing to do whatever it takes to keep the child with his toileting routine. If you decide it is best to try to keep your child on track, then gear up for retraining in a positive, loving and supportive way. Prepare yourself for what can become a long, frustrating time. Your attitude is important - keep it fun and upbeat if you can. Never blame the child. Even the most even- tempered, devoted and selfless of parents have found their limits tested. Frustrations can be minimized by planning to spend extra time with your child (preferably at home) observing when and why the accidents occur. Expect to deal with accidents and try to find a way to avert them. Could your child simply miss all that attention he used to get for toileting successes? If you find yourself becoming too frustrated with the situation to cope in a positive, loving and supportive way, consult your pediatrician, read and take parenting classes. PHYSICAL PROBLEMS Consider the possibility of physical problems. Some children may have developed a urinary tract infection (sometimes due to bubble bath) causing pain during urination. Some children may have a blockage of small penile opening in boys. Some children have a very small bladder, or dietary problems causing discomfort. Be sure to see your doctor if you suspect any possibility of physical reasons for regression. If your child is rebelling, (having a deliberate, emotionally-charged toilet strike, or ‘acting out’ by using his mess to purposely anger you), seek professional help. These may not be toileting issues at all. HAVE FUN! As you know, your child is growing rapidly before your very eyes. Focus on enjoying this age and stage with your child. If you can keep a good attitude through all the trials, you will have given your child much more than basic toilet skills. Your child will learn he or she can trust you. They will know that they are important. They will learn how to communicate better. He will understand how you can help him when he is troubled. He will learn you will always love him, even when he messes up. That is what is really important. PUNISHMENTS It is not recommended that you use negative reinforcements (i.e., verbal reprimands, punishments or spankings) when the child has an accident or wets the bed. Positive reinforcement as simple as a hug, sticker or praise for successful potty event is much more effective. Your Pediatrician Can Help With Potty Training. If any concerns come up before, during, or after toilet training, talk with your pediatrician. Often the problem or problems are minor and can be resolved quickly, but sometimes physical or emotional causes will require treatment. Your pediatrician's help, advice, and encouragement can help make toilet training easier. Also, your pediatrician is trained to identify and manage problems that are more serious. Confirm Potty Training Information With Other Sources and Your Doctor. You are encouraged to talk with your doctor with regard to information contained on or through this Web site. After reading articles or other Content from Potty Training Solutions, you are encouraged to review the information with your professional healthcare provider. Potty Training Solutions is committed to the Physical, Mental and Social Health for All Children. We provide education of the highest standard to individuals and organizations seeking to keep pace with advancements in technology. The information contained in this publication should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances. DO NOT USE THIS WEBSITE AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROPER MEDICAL CARE OR FOR MEDICAL EMERGENCIES.

This article was published on Thursday 29 November, 2007. http://pottytrainingsolutions.com/article_info.php?articles_id=8

Mommy happy?

That was the question my two year old asked me as I wiped spilt Gogurt off my side table with a damp cloth.

"Yes baby," I replied.

I was happy. For one I could not help but fall in love with her when she asked me cute questions like that. It had been a good day. the sun was shining brilliantly..something we have not seen in weeks...and I took the girls outside.

Sarah rode her trike and and Abi and I sat on the lawn watching her. Meanwhile Abi made use of her walk behind walker and seems to be getting confident with each step. They played with a beach ball until Sarah told me:

"I tired Mommy. Want to sleep."

So inside we went and she even took a nap on her own.

Now if only each day was as nice and I had time to sit outside and watch them play.

Today we are back to the crappy weather and now I am trying to find different things to keepher stimulated. I introduced her to water paint for this first time and she got a kick out of it. Someone suggested letting her play in the rain but I am not too fond of the idea. We'll see.

Regarding the potty plight, she has gotten back on track somewhat. Yesterday was acccident free but today we had one accident so far. Still doing the reward system and it works fairly well. I know each day is not perfect but all we can do is take it one day at a time.

Daddy's Home

So happy he is back. I slept in til 10 this morning. Totally unheard of in his absence. He got up with the girls, gave them their morning meal, changed dirty diapers, and even initiated potty duty. Sarah has been dry since 7am. She's earned 2 stickers so far. Hope this is becomes permanent....I dream.

Post two year old depression?

I am getting a great feeling of being overwhelmed. So much so that I think I am getting depressed again. I feel trapped inside my house because I am too scared to take the kids out. Sarah is still going through her negative phase. It is a quarter after 11 in the morning and so far I have had a bag of cheese puffs emptied on the floor, a bed soaked with Pediasure, Sarah took a tinkle in the bathtub and left a nugget of poo in my bedroom, milk all over the dining room floor, bits of orange all over, a sprayed bottle of perfume, and two very sticky little girls.

I am so tired.

I found this on Dr. Sear's website. Hope it will provide some insight into why I am experiencing all these things.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060400.asp

9 DEVELOPMENTAL REASONS WHY TODDLERS CAN BE DIFFICULT TO DISCIPLINE

To cope with toddler behavior it helps to remember the basic principle of developmental discipline: the drive that babies have to develop is the same one that creates discipline challenges.

1. WHEELS TO RUN ON

Imagine how it must feel to learn to walk! He can see all those tempting delights around the room, and he finds ways to get his hands on many of them. once the developmental skill of walking appears, children have an intense drive to master it. So toddlers toddle—constantly. And they can toddle into unsafe situations. Walking progresses to running, and climbing a few stairs turns into scaling kitchen counters.

2. HANDS AS TOOLS

Along with learning how to pick up things, the one- year- old baby develops hand skills to manipulate what he gets. Doors are to be opened, knobs turned, drawers pulled, dangling cords yanked, and waste cans emptied. Everything within walking and grabbing distance is fair game, or so he figures. To the inquisitive adventurer, the whole house is an unexplored continent, and he intends to leave no stone unturned.

3. OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES

The development of language—verbal and body— makes parenting a bit easier. Baby can now begin to tell you what she needs with words. This new skill is a mixed blessing. While baby words are entertaining, they can also be frustrating as the parents struggle to understand just what "da-boo" means. Toddlers like to try on different noises to hear how they sound and how they affect their audience. They screech and squeal, yell and jabber. Sometimes their little baby words are pleasing to your ears, and at other times they are nerve-wracking. Language also gives expression to feelings; a feisty "no" from your formerly agreeable child can raise your eyebrows.

4. A MIND OF THEIR OWN

Toddlers think, but not logically. Just as motor skills take off during the first half of the second year, toward the last half mental skills blossom. The one-year-old plunges impulsively into activities without much thinking. The two-year-old studies her environment, figuring out a course of action in her head before venturing forth with her body. But a baby's desire to do something often precedes the ability to do it successfully. This developmental quirk drives toddlers into trouble and caregivers to the brink. Even though you know that baby hasn't mastered a skill yet, your explanation won't stop him from trying. For example, one morning our son Stephen insisted on pouring his own juice. He had the ability to maneuver the cup and pitcher, but lacked the wisdom to know when the cup was full. He did not want us to pour it for him, so we let him stand at the sink and pour water into cups while we poured the juice at the table. After a pouring party at the sink, he accepted my hand on his hand and followed my nudge for when to stop pouring.

During the second year your baby's temperament will become more apparent. "Bubbly," "daredevil," "determined," "cautious," and "adventurous" are just a few of the labels toddlers acquire. Children come wired differently, and different kinds of children need different kinds of discipline. Matthew, a relatively cautious toddler, seemed to think out a task carefully before attempting it. If he got himself in too deep he would not protest being rescued. our two-year-old Lauren came wired with a different program. She sees an enticing gadget on top of the kitchen counter and she is willing to risk life and limb to get it. Because of her personality, we don't often let her out of our sight. Her drive helps her keep going, to get up after falling, to persist after being told "no," to struggle with words to make her needs known. It also inspires her to climb higher if the cookie jar has been promoted to the top shelf. The parents' task, in the words of one frazzled toddler manager, is to "keep my child from breaking his neck, and yet encourage him to learn." Think "age-appropriate behavior" and you'll be able to give age-appropriate direction.

5. SOME CHALLENGING BEHAVIORS ARE DEVELOPMENTALLY CORRECT

In the normal course of development those same behaviors the child needs to developmentally advance to the next level are the very ones that can get him into trouble. As a child goes from dependence to independence, he will often merit labels like "defiant," "won't mind," "bossy," "sassy," and "impulsive." Some of these behaviors are simply a byproduct of the child's need to become an independent individual. And the "stubbornness" that keeps your child from "minding" is the same spunk that helps him get up after a fall and try again.

6. GET IN "PHASE" WITH YOUR CHILD

Developing children take two steps forward and one step backward. In each stage of development, they bounce back and forth from equilibrium to disequilibrium. While they're stepping forward into uncharted territory, finding new friends, trying new things, expect discipline problems due to the anxiety that tags along with experimenting. In each stage, expect the calm to come after the storm. The same child who spent two months in a snit may act like an angel for the next three. This developmental quirk can work to the child's advantage and yours. Spot which phase your child is in. If he's trying to move away and grow up a bit, let out the line. During this phase, your child may seem distant from you; she may even answer back and defy you. Don't take this personally. This phase will soon pass. The child is just in the "do it myself" phase and needs some space and coaching (including correcting) from the sidelines.

One day soon, as sure as sunrise follows nightfall, you'll find your child snuggling next to you on the couch asking for help with tasks and suggesting activities you can do together. You may even wake up one morning and discover your six-year-old nestled next to you in bed. This child is now in a reconnecting phase, a pit stop in the developmental journey when your child needs emotional refueling.

When parents and child are out of harmony, discipline problems multiply. If your child is trying to break away when you are trying to bond, you are likely to overreact to what may be normal behaviors of independence. If you are too busy while your child is in the reconnecting phase, you miss a window of opportunity to strengthen your positions as comforter, adviser, authority figure, and disciplinarian.

7. RESPECT NEGATIVE PHASES

Projects such as toilet training should not be undertaken during a negative phase.

8. PLAN AHEAD

Discipline problems are likely to occur when a child is making the transition from one developmental stage to another, or during major family changes: a move, a new sibling, a family illness, or so on. I recently counseled a family whose previously sweet child had turned sour. The mother had started a new job, and at the same time the child started a new school. If possible, time major changes in your life for when a child is not going through major changes herself.

9. WHAT IS "NORMAL" MAY NOT BE ACCEPTABLE

"I don't care what the book says, Bobby and Jimmy, fighting is not going to be normal in our home," said a mother who knew her tolerance. Part of discipline is learning how to live with a child through different developmental stages. A child's early family experience is like boot camp in preparing for life. A child must learn how to get along with family members in preparation for future social relationships. He needs to be adaptable and learn to adjust his behaviors to a particular family need. Billy is boisterous by temperament. Yet, Billy is expected to play quietly for a few days because mommy is recovering from an illness and has a headache. It is healthy for the child to learn that the sun rises and sets on other people besides himself. Children must learn to adapt to house rules to prepare them to adjust to society's rules.

Crying over spilt milk (or juice)

I am just sick of stepping into spilt milk/juice. Those non spill cups are frauds. The nipples on Abi's bottles are even worse. I wipe after these kids over 3 times a day. Because of the spills I have banned food or drink of any kind from the bedrooms. Their father has a difficult time adhering to these rules and my mattress is stained with strawberry milk. Want to ban them from anywhere but the dining table altogether. We'll see how that goes.

Jesus Savior Pilot Me

I almost suffered a nervous breakdown yesterday. Sarah waged a full out assault on the potty. Refusing to have anything to with it. It got so bad that I actually punished her for her willfulness, something I know I should not have done. But after she flooded my bathroom after clogging the toilet with TP and what not I just snapped.

Anyway I am working with her, implementing a new reward system. Potty for a sticker...a Dora sticker at that. It is working well so far as we have not had any accidents.

Potty Strike

Ever since we have been on vacation my 2 y o (Sarah) has been on a potty strike, She will go off into corners and do her thing then prance around like nothing happened. This is totally not like her and I am at my wit's end.

On the other hand Abi (10 month's old) is constantly on # 2 and has an on and off diaper rash as a result.

*sigh*

Where's my baby?

Abi started walking using the walk behind walker...this is alot for me...my baby is growing..it hurts somewhat because I know I do not want to have anymore kids...I know she won't stay small forever but she is growing up way too fast for me. She turns the big O-N-E in August and I am dreading it...

She is just so different from Sarah. Ever since birth she has been...she was the loud one who was not afraid to let you know if she was unhappy about something. She is so fearless...climbing down off furniture....scaling things higher than her, and making those courageous steps while trying not to let the walk behind walker run away from her. I especially love the big gummy smile she gives me when I walk in the room and her naturally inquisitive nature..

I am enjoying her so much, More so because I did not get to enjoy Sarah at this age because I was pregnant with Abi.

They just grow up too fast. :(