Teaching your child to use the toilet takes time, understanding, and patience. The important thing to remember is that you cannot rush your child into using the toilet. Each child is different. What works for one may not be successful for another. That is why you need an arsenal of tools and tricks to get your youngster interested and keep him or her with the program until you have achieved that goal of independence. Stress in the home may make learning this important new skill more difficult. Sometimes it is a good idea to delay toilet training in the following situations: Your family has just moved or will move in the near future. You are expecting a baby or you have recently had a new baby. There is a major illness, a recent death, or some other family crisis. However, if your child is learning how to use the toilet without problems, there is no need to stop because of these situations. AVOID NEGATIVE REACTIONS Handle accidents in a quiet, matter-of-fact way during cleanup. I am not a supporter of any form of punishment for toilet training issues. With strong willed children, if you want to have a behavior go away, don't reinforce it. Yelling or punishing is reinforcement. Even though it's negative, they get attention anyway. Sometimes that is what they are looking for. If this is true, parents need to try and figure out what it is that they are needing this attention for. If a child constantly is being told he is bad or "not good," he will many times live up to that.
LEARN TO DISCIPLINE I do believe in discipline. Don’t confuse discipline with spanking. Discipline is when the parent does what they plan and to, they follow-through and remain consistent in encouraging desired behaviors. Parents and children do better when they have a routine, especially during setbacks. Get back into your training routine, stay positive, reintroduce motivations like rewards and keep lines of communication open.
DISCUSS RESPONSIBILITY AND CONSEQUENCES Discontinuing Toileting is not easy for you, and you may want your child to know what his consequences are. Again, be clear and matter-of-fact; minimize words during cleanup. If you let this become emotionally charged that is where the focus will be, and that is ineffective and negative. Let’s say your child just didn’t make it to the toilet because Barney was on. Then shut off Barney until the child has assisted in clean-up (most children can at least dump poop in toilet, flush and wash out underwear). Then have him go to the toilet and at least try to go (even if they say they don’t have anything left). Make it clear after an accident this is their responsibility. You remain quiet and calm, minimizing talk to simple instructions. Before letting the child resume his activity, have a short, upbeat and supportive talk with him about what just happened and what the consequences will be if it happens again. “OK, just an accident. We had to shut off Barney and clean up. When you have an accident you must go to the toilet anyway. Next time you will use the toilet, won’t you?” After you get him to agree, don’t forget to say “I love you!”
LEARN WHY HE HAS STOPPED TOILETING, IF POSSIBLE It is easier for a child to learn the mechanics of Toileting, but not so easy for him to accept some of the emotional issues that may come along later. And not all children are capable or willing to discuss it. If the child wishes to talk, be there for him. It may help you decide how to proceed if the accidents continue. If he adamantly does not want to talk, respect his feelings. Common toilet fears include fear of seeing his poop go down the toilet (and losing that part of him), fear of getting hands dirty when wiping, fear of seeing or hearing a toilet flush, fear of painful bowel movement. Other reasons may include lack of desire to stop playing to go, loss of the excitement of this new ‘game’, associating toileting with ‘growing up’ and deciding it is more comfortable to just stay little. There are some cases where children use toilet issues to express anger and aggression. For this, seek professional help.
DECIDE HOW TO PROCEED After you have come to realize these accidents are not stopping, and after you have given the child a chance to work through it himself, you have been calm, supportive and allowed him to talk about the situation if he wishes, you should have enough information to decide what is best for your situation. Even when a child chooses not to talk, you can assess through his nonverbal cues how serious this toileting thing is to him. You have choices. You must decide how much you are willing to do to work this out with your child. Do not allow a significant other, mother-in-law or neighbor (however well-intentioned) to interfere with your parenting choices. Pick your battles, and realize this one in particular can be a tough one. If you decide to go for retraining you need to be prepared to follow through in a positive way. Read up, get support. If you decide this is not the best time to try to work through it, that is OK. You and your child should decide together how to handle accidents. Whatever you decide, this is just one of many parenting decisions we must make with no clear-cut answer. It will work out no matter how you proceed, as long as you have the child’s best interests in mind.
DECIDING TO STAY THE COURSE Some children really want to continue toileting. Sometimes the parent is willing to do whatever it takes to keep the child with his toileting routine. If you decide it is best to try to keep your child on track, then gear up for retraining in a positive, loving and supportive way. Prepare yourself for what can become a long, frustrating time. Your attitude is important - keep it fun and upbeat if you can. Never blame the child. Even the most even- tempered, devoted and selfless of parents have found their limits tested. Frustrations can be minimized by planning to spend extra time with your child (preferably at home) observing when and why the accidents occur. Expect to deal with accidents and try to find a way to avert them. Could your child simply miss all that attention he used to get for toileting successes? If you find yourself becoming too frustrated with the situation to cope in a positive, loving and supportive way, consult your pediatrician, read and take parenting classes.
PHYSICAL PROBLEMS Consider the possibility of physical problems. Some children may have developed a urinary tract infection (sometimes due to bubble bath) causing pain during urination. Some children may have a blockage of small penile opening in boys. Some children have a very small bladder, or dietary problems causing discomfort. Be sure to see your doctor if you suspect any possibility of physical reasons for regression. If your child is rebelling, (having a deliberate, emotionally-charged toilet strike, or ‘acting out’ by using his mess to purposely anger you), seek professional help. These may not be toileting issues at all.
HAVE FUN! As you know, your child is growing rapidly before your very eyes. Focus on enjoying this age and stage with your child. If you can keep a good attitude through all the trials, you will have given your child much more than basic toilet skills. Your child will learn he or she can trust you. They will know that they are important. They will learn how to communicate better. He will understand how you can help him when he is troubled. He will learn you will always love him, even when he messes up. That is what is really important.
PUNISHMENTS It is not recommended that you use negative reinforcements (i.e., verbal reprimands, punishments or spankings) when the child has an accident or wets the bed. Positive reinforcement as simple as a hug, sticker or praise for successful potty event is much more effective.
Your Pediatrician Can Help With Potty Training. If any concerns come up before, during, or after toilet training, talk with your pediatrician. Often the problem or problems are minor and can be resolved quickly, but sometimes physical or emotional causes will require treatment. Your pediatrician's help, advice, and encouragement can help make toilet training easier. Also, your pediatrician is trained to identify and manage problems that are more serious. Confirm Potty Training Information With Other Sources and Your Doctor. You are encouraged to talk with your doctor with regard to information contained on or through this Web site. After reading articles or other Content from Potty Training Solutions, you are encouraged to review the information with your professional healthcare provider. Potty Training Solutions is committed to the Physical, Mental and Social Health for All Children. We provide education of the highest standard to individuals and organizations seeking to keep pace with advancements in technology. The information contained in this publication should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances. DO NOT USE THIS WEBSITE AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROPER MEDICAL CARE OR FOR MEDICAL EMERGENCIES. | 
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