The First

My Abi as you can tell, turned one recently. I am happy. She is healthy and growing. Learning new things every day. I am truly blessed. But I have said this before and will say it again. I am sad. Maybe because I know she is my baby. I will not have anymore, although her father has been implying that he wants to have another in an attempt to have a son. [insert rolleye smilie here]

Despite all that, I can't imagine how my life would be without her. When I found out I was pregnant with her I was less than thrilled. Sarah was 7 months old when I conceived her. I was not ready for another. I was very disconnected from the pregnancy. I was sick for most of the time and busy between work and caring for Sarah so there was no desire or opportunity to bond with the unborn baby. It was a labor of love that I wanted to get over with.

But the moment she was born and came into the world my heart melted instantly. Funny I did not feel this emotion with my firstborn even though her birth was highly anticipated. The love I felt when I first saw Abi's face, when I first held her in my arms, when I first put her to my breast, that love is such a powerful indescribable feeling. A feeling I still feel to this day when I see her one year later, running around the house, finding new things out on her own, when she kisses me, or is calling me to come get her out of her crib, or when she smiles at me like she has not seen me in a very long time. This is the first time I think I can say I know what true love feels like.