The Little Bully?

What has happened to my younger child? She is becoming such a bully to her big sis. From tugging toys away to clouting her in the head with a toy bowling pin. I hope it is just a phase that she is going through. I cannot imagine having to go down to her school in the future because "your child punched another child today".

Ironically enough her sister refuses to fight back. Maybe it has been ingrained in her that she should be gentle with the baby. Or maybe she is a wuss. I don't know. But she is definitely more delicate than her baby sis. Needs more of a white glove approach. She is the dainty, girly type, while her younger sister is a rough and tumble tom boy type. Different personalities yes, but no excuse for the aggressive behavior that has become increasingly common.

For the most part the girls are great friends. They hug each other in the mornings or whenever one would come home from wherever, usually it is the older one who comes home. They play together everyday and share a bed. One will not stay in bed without the other. I hope they remain this way as they grow up but I am not unrealistic. I know that siblings do fight from time to time. For now, all I can do is hope that with lots of patient, stern, reminders, my little ruffian will learn to be nicer to her big sister.

My My My...Where has the time gone?

Soooo much has taken place in almost a year I have not had time to blink!

Brief update on the girls:

Sarah is happily settled in pre school...she is very smart and so mature for her age...she is turning 4 soon...so I say 4 going on 14.

Abi has settled into her personality. Still fiercly independent. Not as rambunctious as she was before but she still packs a mean punch when she does not get her way. She was diagnosed with autism last year so my schedule has been revolving around hers as she goes through her daily routine with special ed teachers, occupational therapists, and speech therapists.

At times I feel overwhelmed, but I am fortunate to have a support system to fall back on being a married single mom and all.

Is it really March already?

Wow!! Where did 1/4 of the year go????? I am back in school working on my graduate degree. The girls are about to start daycare/pre-k. We did a trial day recently and they did so wonderful! I was worried about the older one having separation anxiety but I think that more than anything, I am the one who is having anxiety.

There are renovations taking place in our home and it has been crazy and chaotic. Trying to keep the girls out of the work area and keeping the place clean have been challenging.

We managed to go on vacation in January, and I am looking forward to a solo trip at the end of this month.

Lots of interesting things are going to take place soon. :-)

Over-Priviledged????

So it's Christmas time again and a group of my friends began discussing their kids' wishlists. I was amazed! Kids want Xboxes, Ipods, digital cameras, cellphones, and designer clothes. What have we done? Have we created greedy little monsters who expect to get these high end items just because???

It all begins with this saying: I want my kids to have a better life than I did. Granted, most of us did not live hard lives and were pretty well off compared to our parents and grandparents. However, we oblige ourselves to give our kids the best of everything. The best toys, the best clothes, the best games, the best schools. And what do we oblige our kids to give us in return?

It sounds selfish, but we must look at the fact that one day we are going to be older. Most likely we will not be able to take care of ourselves. Our spouses may die before us, our vice versa. Most of all, we will not have the same income as we did in our younger days. Sadly, we become children again, and most likely, if we have done our jobs as parents right, our children will become our parents, as they will have to make decisions for us.

Now, we have to gear our kids up for that sort of responsibility. No we cannot raise them with the mantra that one day they will take care of us, but we ought to give them a greater sense of the world: that it does not revolve around them. As parents, it is our duty to raise our kids to become productive members of society. When we shower them with gifts "just because" it gives them a false sense of entitlement. What happens when they grow up? Do they get money "just because"? Get a house "just because"?

We need to teach our kids to be givers. Showing kindness to others has its rewards. Also it is useful to have them learn the value of working and saving to get what they want. I mentioned to my friends today that I had to wait three years after moving into my home to get my dream kitchen, yet my girls only had to be born to get theirs. LOL! So the dilemma continues.

Multi-Mom

Hats off to all the moms who work fulltime, have recreational activities outside the home, and spend mucho quality time with the kids. As a stay at home mom I wear many hats. Chef, laundress, maid, chauffeur, accountant, secretary, nurse, among many other roles. I am about to add another hat. I am planning to further my education, something I have wanted to do but in between getting married, having kids, buying a home I have been busy since I became a college graduate. I am worried that I may not be able to successfully balance all these roles once I begin this very intensive study program but I know that once I surround myself with people who want to see me succeed I will get all the help I need.

Custody agreement...~with the relatives~

Well it's busy season in the family. The time of year when we see each other more than any other time during the year. After much back and forth we have finally solidified the arrangements.

Halloween will be spent at home with me and my family visiting from NY. We will trick and treat together and then join my outlaws at a house party.

Thanksgiving will be split between cousins in New York.

Christmas will be spent at home for breakfast and then dinner will be between my cousin's house and the outlaws.

The day after Christmas, the girls are flying down with their dad, his sister, niece, and mother. I have opted to remain at home because I need to study.

New Year's Eve will be spent at my sister in law's house.

It took alot of deliberation as we have so many relatives and so as not to offend anyone we have to split our time evenly, a task I find to be tedious.

Battling colds, tantrums, and depression

So far my girls have had three colds for the season. I have been getting used to the routine. First sniffle brings out the humidifier. Big runny noses bring out the automatic suction...a must have for any parent with a kid who cannot blow their own noses. And aside from appropriate doses of noodle soup and medicine, lot's of TLC in between. Fortunately the girls have wonderful immune systems and after a couple days are good to go. The baby is especially resistant. I feel this is because she was breast fed. Never mind the fact that I do not need to vacuum because she is always picking up the tiniest atom and putting it in her mouth. A battle a choose to wage war against at whim as it is never ending.

Sarah on the other hand is becoming more and more willful. She has the nastiest tantrums whenever she does not get her way. I have to find creative ways of redirecting her and distracting her. Also the visits to the naughty wall are met with much resistance. The key for me is to keep her busy so that she does not find time to commit punishable offenses. She goes to playgroup as often as I can take her, visits with her cousins at least once a week, and I purchased a plethora of preschool activities to keep her busy for hours. She especially enjoys coloring and painting. I especially abhor the mess!

During all this I have found it necessary for me to go back on antidepressants. This is the part of being a stay at home mom that not many people tell you about. I am so busy from 7am to 9pm caring for these kids that I have no time for myself. Most days I feel drained and run down. Their dad works away from home and is hardly here to share his burden of the work. When he is here I do get some relief but the fine tuned parenting is always left up to me. Dauntingly simple tasks such as picking outfits that MATCH...or combing their hair or clipping nails is always left up to me. Not to mention the never ending laundry being put away in the right places. Anyway I was getting to a point where I was shutting down and decided that I needed more help and also that I needed to be on the meds. I think I get depressed more during the fall and winter. I am an island gal and I need lots of sunlight. We usually take a trip down south during the winter so I am looking forward to that.

Until then I can only do what I am doing now and that is loving myself as much as I love my family.